An Empath's Guide For Dealing With Bullies & Energy Vampires
The empath and bully dynamic is one that plays out time and again in our society. It is a dynamic which I know well. While many people are waking up to the truth, that we are all sparks of the same divine Source, and that harming another person harms the entire collective, some people haven’t yet broken out of third-dimensional behaviors, run by the ego, with the authentic self taking a backseat. While the ego is necessary for us to navigate the world we have been living in, it can keep us locked in lower vibrations that don’t serve. The ego is the way people deal with their reality. Survival instincts and fear can take over the ego, causing irrational behavior. In a world filled with billions of egos, all in different stages of development, we have quite a melting pot going on here on Earth. Let’s dissect some of the general behaviors and characteristics of empaths, bullies, and energy vampires, and discuss some ways that empaths can recover after an energy attack. First off, if you are new to this…
What Is An Empath?
An empath is a person who has extreme sensitivity to the world around them. They feel so deeply for others, that they actually, usually without knowing it, pick up and feel the emotions of others as if they were their own. Empaths are more sensitive to light, sound, and subtle energies such as wifi. Empaths care deeply for others are usually the ones you see taking a stand for injustice; because seeing others suffer causes them suffering. They want to bring peace and harmony to the world. These attributes can sometimes make them a target for people who have personality disorders such as narcissists, and people who bully and energy vampire. The empath may be manipulated to feel that they are somehow inadequate, at fault, and deserving of the abuse. Of course nobody deserves to be bullied and abused. So why do people become energy vampires to begin with? We have all had our unique experience which shaped our personality. Let’s take a look at energy vampires to understand why they behave the way that they do.
The Energy Vampire
An energy vampire is someone who, either consciously or unconsciously, steals the energy of others. They typically do this through belittling or shaming another person. Every encounter we have with others throughout our day involves an exchange of energy. Usually these exchanges have a neutral or pleasant charge. Unless we have crossed paths with an energy vampire, that is.
Energy vampires are not necessarily bad people of malicious intent. The people who steal energy consciously may be narcissists or lack empathy. But many people are energy vampires simply because they haven’t been taught how to raise their own vibration in healthy ways, so that they do not feel the urge to lash out and harm others. Mistreating or bullying another person in order to steal their energy may be the only way they know to feel powerful and safe in the world. But that doesn’t make it right and it doesn’t mean that you have to endure abuse.
Sometimes the energy vampires who manifest in our environment are co-workers or casual acquaintances. Sometimes they are friends, or even our partner or family. It puts tremendous strain on the empath, to be exposed to belittling and abuse from someone who they are forced to spend ample, or any time with for that matter. The energy vampire knows which buttons to push to make the empath feel bad, and the empath can feel completely drained and even physically ill for hours or days after an attack. As an empath I have experienced this on many occasions . It’s not fun, but we can learn to set boundaries and protect ourselves as much as possible. I will begin with the best thing an empath can do when dealing with an energy vampire.
Cut Off Contact
This is ideal. It’s not always possible, but it is ideal. When someone is shaming and belittling you, that is a form of abuse. You can spend hours meditating, chanting, and doing yoga to raise your vibration, but if your boss yells at you, you might immediately go back to feeling a lower vibration; angry, nervous, and afraid. Some people who are more spiritually advanced may be able to have a compete non-reaction to an attack, but most of us are not there yet. An emotional attack raises cortisol and sets off the fight or flight response in the body. It can cause us to respond by attacking back, feeding into an energy battle.
Back when I was a child in school getting bullied, the big saying was “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” We now know that not to be true. One look at Dr. Emoto’s rice experiments prove otherwise. http://thirdmonk.net/knowledge/masaru-emoto-rice-emotions-experiment-video.html
Abuse leads to trauma, trauma can lead to depression, anxiety, and addiction. One of the most important things that empaths need to remember if they want to be effective in the world, self-care is important. If someone is treating you in a way that is disrespectful, and designed to make you feel shame, if you can avoid their company in the future, it is best to do so.
Social Media Energy Vampires
Social media is full of bullies and energy vampires. Even grown ups forget the most basic manners when they are looking at a computer screen instead of a human face, reverting to fear-based and cruel behaviors when they encounter information that doesn’t align with their beliefs or makes them feel uncomfortable. With so much happening in our world today, people naturally want to discuss important issues online. Some people lack the empathy to see where others are coming from, and lash out at ideas which contradict their beliefs. It is important to remember that there is a human face behind that screen, and abuse is abuse whether it happens in person or in a social media thread.
The internet is also full of positive, uplifting people who are great to connect with. It’s full of information that can set us free and propel us forward, if we choose to focus on that. If you feel yourself getting drawn into an emotionally-charged ego battle on social media, it’s best to step back and disconnect from the situation. Don’t feed the bullies. You don’t need to win every argument, no one will remember in 2 days anyway. (I am telling this to myself too, as I have been roped in one too many times, ha.) Use the block function often. You don’t owe these people your energy, an explanation, or anything if you don’t want to give it. It is your choice who you allow into your space. If a friend is bullying you, spend less time with them or cut off the relationship. If it is a long-term partner, parent or sibling, that can get a bit more tricky.
Many people are energy vampires because they have not done their shadow work. Shadow work is an important part of healing that involves taking a look deep inside ourselves and facing those parts of ourselves that we keep hidden, so we can bring them to the surface for healing. They are the aspects of ourselves that we are not proud of and don’t show off to the world. The parts of us which may feel ashamed or unworthy. If an energy vampire were to change, they would need to first be made aware of the root cause of their behavior if they are not already, and then put the work in to change their outlook and actions. That is not an easy task, so many do not bother.
We all have some form of trauma embedded in our energy fields, whether is be from this life or previous ones. Everyone needs to do shadow work, energy vampires and empaths alike. The result is understanding ourselves better, and lightening our load to move forward with more ease. If the energy vampire in your life is someone you are close with, such as a family member, maybe try, in a non-accusing way, to tell them how their behavior makes you feel. Ask them to look inside and figure out why they treat you this way. Ask them if they can work to obtain their energy from other sources, so that you feel safe being around them. In the best case scenario, they will realize what they have been doing, and work to correct the behavior so that your exchanges are more neutral or positive. If they don’t want to do any inner work and continue to bully, limit contact.
But let’s say the energy vampire is your boss and you have a family to provide for. You kind of feel forced to put up with it until you can escape to better circumstances. You can’t talk to them about shadow work, that is too personal for a work environment. How do you handle your exchanges with them?
If your boss in an energy vampire, I’m not saying you should immediately quit your job, but you should look for other opportunities in a place where you feel safe to be you. In the meantime, you can try to sharpen your communication skills to see if you can’t improve your time in their presence and the exchanges you have.
When I was having an issue with an energy vampire in my life and was asking friends for advice, I was recommended the book ‘Nonviolent Communication - A Language of Life’ by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD. In it there are some great techniques to enhance your communication skills and find common ground with others. I won’t get too far into this because it’s worthwhile to read the book, but basically, the four components explained in the book are observations, feelings, needs, and requests. You identify the need of the other person, and work to find a solution. For example, how would this go in an exchange with an energy vampire? “I see you are disappointed that I haven’t finished the spreadsheets yet. (obervation) I feel crunched because more time is needed to complete them. (feelings) Would you be willing to give me an extra hour to finish them?” (needs and requests) This approach might be better than hiding in your office and suffering in silence, fearing their wrath. While an energy vampire might create and look for excuses to sap your life force, if you attempt to communicate with them in a respectful manner that highlights all parties getting their needs met, they are less likely to attack. But take this cautiously and use your judgement. If you would like to read this book, you may purchase it here: https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships/dp/189200528X After dealing with an energy vampire, the empath must cleanse their energy field and take time to regroup and recharge.
So basically, the best ways to protect your personal energy from bullies and vampires, is to either avoid them altogether, or communicate with them in order to find common ground. But let’s say you have been exposed, you have been attacked, and you are now feeling weak and depleted, how do you cope? I will be brief here as I have written a previous blog post on techniques to cleanse and strengthen your energy that you can refer to here: https://www.wuwuwoman.com/blog/2018/5/24/tips-for-empaths-to-cleanse-strengthen-their-energy
Let’s say you’ve just gotten home from an energy attack, you are stressed and you are depleted. What can you do to remove dense negativity from your field and get your frequencies back up? Cleansing your aura with sage, palo santo, or a crystal essence aura spray is the first step. (I make my own aura essences, click here to check them out https://www.wuwuwoman.com/aura-spray) Then, either sitting with your feet on a salt block, or taking a salt bath with essential oils can help to drain the rest of the foreign energy out and help you to relax. Breathe deeply. Do a meditation, breathing slowly to decrease the heart rate. On the exhale, imagine all of the dark energy in the body being blown out by the breath. On the inhale, imagine pure white light from source pouring in, filling you with life force energy.
Go outside and take a walk, getting grounded. The negative ions in nature can do wonders for our energy field and mental health. Orgone energy also emits negative ions to mimic this effect in your home. Listen to high vibration, soothing music such as with singing bowls, Gregorian chants, or whatever makes you feel relaxed and at peace. Book a reiki session for deeper energy healing. Most of all, quiet any negative self-talk with positive affirmations. When someone bullies and attacks you, it is usually more about them than you or anything you have done. But it is hard to not take it personally when you are lashed out at in an abusive manner. Tell yourself, I am worthy. I deserve to be treated well. I deserve to be treated with respect, and create your environment in that way. This needs to become embedded in your subconscious until it becomes the new program you are running, since our environments reflect our emotions and subconscious feelings. Self-love is key, as is forgiveness. It can be difficult to forgive those who have mistreated us, but sending them love instead of daggers, frees us to move forward and raise our vibration.
Also, sometimes these people show up in our path to show us that we have been behaving in the same way, whether we realize it or not. If you feel drained of energy, and wish not to take it out on others, take time for you. If possible, limit contact with others and keep to yourself for a bit, until you feel refreshed and ready to deal with people. Daily energy shielding meditations are also a great practice. If you don’t have an easy time with meditation, there are many great guided meditations on youtube that you can try and see what works for you.
If you would like to read more about the empath and energy vampire dynamic, Dr. Christiane Northrup has written extensively on the topic. You can find her work here: https://www.drnorthrup.com/an-empaths-best-protection-against-energy-vampires/
We are all just doing our best in these crazy lives we are thrown into, and we need to have compassion for ourselves and others. But that does not mean compromising our well-being. If someone is bullying you, exit or correct the situation with as much grace as possible. If you have children who are being bullied, step in to protect them. Until we can learn to just all get along, avoid those who can’t play nice and be proud to be you.